goldenglasses | [Accidental Voice / Action]

[Vash has started to keep to himself more the past couple days. Rem's arrival had almost made him forget this day, but he could never really forget.

Today he heads out early, trying to leave the new house before anyone else is awake. He finds a spot near the fountain to do some early morning people watching before getting up and heading to the bakery. He stops outside, knowing this isn't really where he wants to be, it's just habit. He turns and heads to the flower shop instead. He doesn't stay long, just long enough to make sure that everything is still running smooth without Aerith.

He checks the time to duck over to Good Spirits quickly. He wants to be there and gone before Meryl's shift. He orders a couple of beers before he starts growing restless again. This wasn't right either. What was he suppose to do on this day? How could he ever fix this mistake?

Without much thought he grabs a couple bottle and heads out into the forest. He walks for a bit before just sitting down against a tree inspecting his find. People said this blue stuff was strong, now seemed to be a good time to try it out.

Some point in his drinking his journal falls out of his pocket and starts to record. For awhile it records very little until suddenly-]

CRASH!

[There's the sound of a whiskey bottle shattering as it's thrown against a tree. It's followed by silence that is slowly broken by soft sobs.]

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I - I didn't mean to.

(ooc: Anyone who wants to talk to Vash before he gets himself drunk is free to call for him over the journals! He'll have it on him all day! Or run into him pretty much anywhere.)

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I can't forget. [No really. He just tried with all that drinking.]

Who said you should?

But if I leave it behind, I'll forget.

Edited 2011-07-23 04:00 (UTC)

I haven't forgotten what I've left behind.

You don't forget when you care that much. [or when it hurts that bad]

What can I do? I can't do anything to make it right.

Help others.

Keep them from doing the same thing or get them out of the situations that push them into it.

We don't get to forget, but we can try to make it so others don't live with it too.

I could never do enough.

Maybe.

[he was the only one who knew what he'd done.]

But maybe that means you have the wrong goal.

Maybe...

It isn't something you have to do alone, you know.

It's not something anyone else should have to bear.

Watching you suffer is a burden people will carry, though. Anyone who cares about you.

...Even if it's not their duty, I'm sure there are people who would rather help you than see you hurt.

They shouldn't care about someone like me.

Should and shouldn't doesn't change the fact that they do.

They'd be happier if they just forgot about me.

You know, as true as that feels to the person saying it, it's almost never true.

This time it is.

...Derek.

[a small sigh] Whether they would or not, they aren't going to. And they care about you. So that's not an option.

[Quiet.]

...you don't have to rely on anyone else. But if you choose to...there are people here. Me included....though I know you don't know me well. The point is...you don't actually have to do this alone

Yes I do, no one else deserves this.

Isn't that up to them to decide?

No, no one deserves it. No one would want it. [Deciding is not the same as deserving something to Vash.]

[a pause] What if I said I did. Want it, I mean.

You don't understand.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

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