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[Action]/[Voice]

[Vash wakes up in the morning and eventually rolls himself out of bed. He dresses in whatever is on hand and clean. Today it's a pair of brown slacks and a white button up long sleeved shirt. His hair he pulls back into a pony tail before leaving his quiet and empty apartment.

The rest of the day is spent looking over the journal, a bit of people watching in the square, and then lunch at Seventh Heaven where he's careful to order nothing that could be considered a baked good. Thanks once again Malnosso for that new allergy. Then the day is ended once he enters Good Spirits and stays until he's drunk to the point that he feels numb enough that he can go home, sleep and start it all over again.

That has been his daily routine for nearly a month now. He use to sometimes stop to make sure the Flower Shop had enough help, but it seemed they had enough new people now to care for the place without him and he didn't have much interest now anyway. Once or twice he enters the woods and tries to make contact with Faeren once again, but for some reason that spirit has just gone quiet on him.

Today after a long day of nothing he's sitting at the bar with a bottle of Wild Turkey next to him that he's working on. He's looking over Katie's last message to Wolfwood. Apparently it was about him in some way, not that he could figure out the meaning behind it. He gives up on it for now instead to ask a question that he's been curious about.]

So, according to the Malnosso they're trying to find a way home for everyone. Say for just a second that is what they're doing and they managed to do it. Not only that, but you can pick when you could go home with your memories. Would you choose to go back and change something you did? Or are you afraid that what you did could change things too much?

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Yeah? I suppose that's a good mindset to be in. [To be at peace with the choices you've made, it's got to be a pretty nice way to live.] If you're happy why risk making things worse, right?

Something like that, yeah. [Though Sanji can't imagine himself so willing to twist his fate and those of the people closest to him, even if his luck had been poorer than most]

What about you, Vash?

[Vash is quiet for a moment. Mostly because he's finishing off his drink. He answers as he sets the glass down and refills it.]

There are a couple things, I've been wondering about lately. [More so than normal.]

[Sanji hums an inquiry, still casually glancing at the journal. He does wonder what the gunman's referring to - nearly three years he's known this man, and yet knows so little about his life.]

[Vash is quiet for a moment, not sure how much he really wants to talk. There are things he's been thinking about lately that he's not even sure what to think of anymore.]

I've just... made so many mistakes. I think more people would have been happy if I had made the right choices.

Then... [Wolfwood would be alive. So many people would be alive.] I suppose it doesn't really matter.

There's always changing now to atone for those mistakes.

No. There is nothing more I can do. [Dead is dead.]

Then change to bring yourself a little peace. That's still something.

Heh. [He finishes off his drink again and pours another.] You know, so many people have told me that before. I feel I use to have a good answer for it. [He shakes his head with a tired smile.] But I can't remember really what was so important anymore.

I wish I had forgotten sooner. Things would have been a hell of a lot simpler back home. [He takes a nice long, slow drink for the mug he just refilled.] And here too. I probably wouldn't have pissed so many people off then. I'm sorry, Sanji. I know I've been - can be, a pretty big headache.

[It could be the 'drunk' talking, but at least part of it is true. He never really liked being a bother.]

[A pause, before Sanji shifts as if he's uncomfortable. This is-- almost too much at once. Sanji barely knows what to do with the honesty.

And the strangeness, too, of what he's saying. It can't be Vash's morals on killing. That he assumed would never change, the one thing Vash would always hold close and dear in the face of opposition. It's gotta be something else he's referring to.]

You wouldn't be you if you're not a pain in the ass somehow. [It's a throwaway line, lacking any sort of malice]

-- And when you say simple, what are you talking about?

Edited 2013-03-30 01:43 (UTC)

Simple. [He hums to himself a bit as he takes a drink. He thought Sanji would understand, he doesn't really want to bring up specific examples right now. Even if they're all he can think of at the moment for some reason it hurt more to say them out loud.]

Not as many arguments. Not as many scars. Not so many tears. Just simple. I don't know why I thought what I was doing... [He trails off. What had he been thinking of all those years? It seems so blurry now as he takes another drink.] I should have been looking at the bigger picture.

... You're serious.

[It's not a question. Vash wouldn't joke about something like this. But even still, there's a wall between Sanji and comprehension.]

Just what the hell bought on this change?

Hmmm. [He sighs and goes quiet. What did bring on this change? Shouldn't he have always looked that way? It's clear that he hadn't so why now?

It's all a jumbled mess in his head. Maybe some more beer will fix this.]

[Hm. Nope. Not yet. Maybe he needs just a bit more to drink.]

[Still more drinking and he hasn't come up with an answer. Well, he has to say something.]

I'm not sure. Just thinking about things back home a bit more lately, I guess.

[Considering Vash's age, he's unclear how recent reflection would lead to a change of heart. In his experience, the older you are, the more stuck you are in your own ways.

Still, it's possible, isn't it? Luceti ain't good for much, but the chef has learned more about himself in these past three years than he ever thought possible. After a moment of mulling, he asks:]

So what now? What about shit like the drafts?

[Oh god, the drafts. At least he doesn't have to worry about Milly being sent out on those anymore. With the baby... Noah. Could his new parents be sent out at any moment too?]

I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired of the Malnosso.

[A clink of his glass catches his attention. He's cracked it in his left hand as his slightly shaking right tried to pour. No big deal. He drinks what he had poured down and grabs himself a new one to refill.]

Every draft is different. What am I suppose to think anymore?

[Only now does Sanji realize why Vash sounds so strange to him; there's not a shred of optimism left in that voice.

How did he miss this-- no, stupid question. They've both suffered their share of losses. Naturally Sanji got caught up in his own affairs.

That doesn't lessen the subtle stirring of guilt.]

Where are you right now?

Good Spirits. [But Vash knows where Sanji is going with this. Even while slightly drunk.] I won't stay out too much later. I'm alright.

[That "I'm alright." Is probably one of the biggest lies he's told anyone in awhile.]

I'm sure you won't mind a little company for a while anyway. [Not that he's giving Vash a choice in the matter this time. He's already on his way over]

No, I guess I wouldn't. [Vash knows very well he's not getting a choice in this one. Honestly, he's not sure if he should be annoyed or happy about this.]

[Sanji's considerate enough to give Vash a few moments to decide before he shows up. And he just. Takes a seat. Orders a drink. Besides a token greeting, he's not here to hound Vash into talking.

So long as he's certain the gunman gets home in one piece, he'll consider this evening a small victory.]

[Sanji didn't really need to worry about Vash getting home. This has been his daily routine for a couple months now. He never gets drunk enough that he can't get himself home. The only difference tonight is he asked a question on the journals.] Hey, Sanji. What's your vice tonight?

Shitty orange juice. [He ain't kidding, actually. He's not in the mood for alcohol of any variety, not even his beloved wine.]

Alright then. [He waves at the barkeep.] Orange juice, but I think he'd rather you actually hold the shit part.

[Vash will be oh so helpful and pour himself a glass from the whiskey bottle he has next to you.]

You really didn't need to come out though. [You're not even drinking even.]

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