goldenglasses | [Action]/[Voice]

[Vash wakes up in the morning and eventually rolls himself out of bed. He dresses in whatever is on hand and clean. Today it's a pair of brown slacks and a white button up long sleeved shirt. His hair he pulls back into a pony tail before leaving his quiet and empty apartment.

The rest of the day is spent looking over the journal, a bit of people watching in the square, and then lunch at Seventh Heaven where he's careful to order nothing that could be considered a baked good. Thanks once again Malnosso for that new allergy. Then the day is ended once he enters Good Spirits and stays until he's drunk to the point that he feels numb enough that he can go home, sleep and start it all over again.

That has been his daily routine for nearly a month now. He use to sometimes stop to make sure the Flower Shop had enough help, but it seemed they had enough new people now to care for the place without him and he didn't have much interest now anyway. Once or twice he enters the woods and tries to make contact with Faeren once again, but for some reason that spirit has just gone quiet on him.

Today after a long day of nothing he's sitting at the bar with a bottle of Wild Turkey next to him that he's working on. He's looking over Katie's last message to Wolfwood. Apparently it was about him in some way, not that he could figure out the meaning behind it. He gives up on it for now instead to ask a question that he's been curious about.]

So, according to the Malnosso they're trying to find a way home for everyone. Say for just a second that is what they're doing and they managed to do it. Not only that, but you can pick when you could go home with your memories. Would you choose to go back and change something you did? Or are you afraid that what you did could change things too much?

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Nothing bad enough that you would wish to change though.

[She shakes her head lightly.] More that some things are just too tangled to neatly fix. Or sometimes it's not so simple as a question of a good choice and a bad choice. When the only options you have are bad ones, you still have to make a choice. Even refusing to choose is a choice in itself.

[Vivi gives another small laugh, feeling a little embarrassed at her words--not that she doesn't believe what she's saying, but that it's starting to sound like she lecturing, and that's not her intention. This particular subject is one she's pondered often enough, especially when she was infiltrating Baroque Works.]

[She raises one hand in a dismissive wave, trying to lighten the tone.] In the end, I suppose I just think it's better to try not to dwell on those sorts of things too much. What's done is done, right?

Yeah, can't bring the dead back. Well, here you can, not back home. [Vash takes another drink from his mug. Maybe if he hadn't been drinking so much he might have noticed Vivi was trying to be light and cheerful.

Tonight it's lost on him.]

...would you like to talk about it?

No. Talking about it won't change anything either.

It might help you feel a little better.

[But who is she kidding? Vash never talks about anything with her. He usually doesn't even answer direct questions. There are a lot of things she's been meaning to ask him about, glints of truth about him that have revealed themselves over the nearly two years she's known him--but right now doesn't seem like the time to press that. Maybe this is all she can do right now; just leave her offer of a sympathetic ear on the table, so he knows he has a friend he can confide in.]

[The best thing for when Vash is drunk and he knows he is when people want answers from him is to just keep talking. He'll let something slip. Direct is a little easier for him to think about how he's probably too drunk to be handling those sort of questions at the moment.]

No. Nothing can change what's been done. Talking about it won't change it and make it easier.

[Vivi hasn't realized exactly how much he's had to drink, though even if she did, she probably wouldn't take advantage of that state to get him to talk. At least not purposely.]

[Anyway for now, she's more concerned about his defeatist words.]

No, it won't change what's happened, but sometimes just talking, knowing someone's listening...it's like letting someone else take a little bit of your burden, even if only for a little while. [This was a lesson she'd learned herself not all that long ago, with the help of Luffy and Nami especially.]

No one else needs this burden. It's mine to bear.

[Oh yeah, sounding kinda familiar, here. Of course, Vivi can't help but think Vash is blowing things a bit out of proportion. After all, she's only offering to listen if he wants to talk.]

If someone could help, would you even let them?

Unless they can bring back the dead or change the past I doubt there's much anyone can do to help.

[Yeah, that settles it. He's wallowing, though she won't say that to him right now. Still, it's a little frustrating to see. No, she doesn't know all the circumstances, but how can she when he refuses to talk about it? She doesn't want to be a bother, but at the same time, it's hard seeing him do this to himself, so...what else can she do?]

You won't know what others can do to help if you won't give them a chance. [She takes care to point it out gently, not letting any of her frustration seep into her tone.]

Vivi, please. Trust me when I say no one can help. You don't want to get involved.

[He was serious about his last statement. Unless someone can change the past or bring the dead back there was no fixing how bad what he was currently feeling felt.

No amount of talking was going to fix the fact that he had to deal with the choices he made in his past.]

Vash-san, are we friends?

Yes, but a new friendship cannot fix the mistakes of the past. [He takes a shot of his whiskey.

Whether they are friend or enemy the people you meet die. Its enough to sap one's tears.] Then again, maybe it would have been better for you had we never met. I'm not exactly a very good friend to have.

[She shakes her head, looking a little taken aback, since she'd only expected a simple 'yes.'] N-no, all I mean is...we are friends, so do you really think I'd give up on you that easily?

No, but even if you don't want to give up, it doesn't change the fact that nothing can change the past.

I'm not trying to change your past, Vash-san.

But that's exactly what I want to do.

[The circular non-logic of Vash's reply makes her realize for the first time that he might not be exactly...sober. In that case, it's probably best to leave what she's trying to get across till another time. She shifts her focus again, to the topic they've come back to in a roundabout way.]

What sort of things would you want to change?

There's... someone I should have taken care of. A long time ago.

Oh? [Vivi cants her head slightly, a quizzical expression on her face. She first interprets his words in the sense of a caregiver, though his tone is puzzling.]

[Then the alternate meaning jumps out at her, and her eyes widen slightly. Everything she knows of Vash seems counter to that, but she can't help but remind herself there is a lot she doesn't know about him as well.] When you say "taken care of"...

I should have killed him when I had the chance. A lot of people would be alive and much happier back home if I had.

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