[Voice] Backdated to EARLY morning. Mun doesn't do early on Saturday!

[goldenglasses]

[Vash's eyes shot open early in the morning. He had been having such an awful dream about Legato and there was gunfire and then Wolfwood was there. Wolfwood, had... he had...

That's not how that reoccurring nightmare tends to go.

It had been a nightmare, right?

Right?

Vash's journal falls to the floor as he bangs into his desk trying to grab it. His face is ash white as he picks it up and shouts into it.]

What day is it!?

[And after finding out what he did was not, in fact, a dream, Vash will be running for the bathroom and actually being sick over the very idea of it all. It's sometime after that, that he finally filters everything away from Legato and make one more statement.]

[Filtered to Legato // 90% Unhackable]

Legato, are you alright? [You're still alive right? Oh, for once, please answer this. He'll never forgive himself if he finds out you bleed out after they ditched you at the clinic.] I'm... I'm sorry.

Comments

[goldenglasses]

No. [His answer comes though the door. He doesn't want to open it. He's ashamed of what he nearly did again and doesn't feel as if he can even show his face to anyone right now.]

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

[ Well, she's not going anywhere right now, so he'll have to either come out or be stuck in the bathroom. ]

... Vash, you know it was an experiment, right? So, it's not... [ Even if it WASN'T what made him do it, she will still blame it on the experiment. Redirect the blame for him. Make him feel better. ]

[goldenglasses]

But how, how can I say the things I do and mean them when I can be changed so easily? For everything to be forgotten, just like that? [How can he tell people that every life has value if he can't keep to it himself? What would could he tell Knives if he came back again to find he had killed Legato again?

He knows it's an experiment. That he doesn't have a choice, but to change something so deep that is his core? It scares him.]

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

[ Her shoulders droop. She knows she has no good answer for him. She still gives it her best shot. ]

This place... it makes us kill people we don't want to, hate and love people we don't want to. We do things we don't want, and see things we don't want... there's not much about our own needs that they care about... so the most we can do is try to continue living and forgive ourselves for what we can't take back when they control us.

[goldenglasses]

[It's a good answer. One he has no response to. He knows he's not the only one suffering over these experiments when they happen, but he can't help feeling sick inside whenever he thinks about it.]

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

[ She touches the door handle and makes sure it makes a noise. She doesn't want to startle him or invade his space if he's not ready for that, so she's testing his reaction. ]

You can't turn things back... we don't have that luxury, to reset things. So remember your true self - that that person wasn't really you - and step forward.

[goldenglasses]

[He hears it and doesn't try to stop your entry. He's leaning against the opposite wall of the toilet. With his head in his hands.

There is a bit of a bewildered look on his face. One of not being sure if he should be sad or alright. He can't help but wonder how you could be so much smarter when you've lived a hundred years less than him? And how could Knives not be amazed by humans?]

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

[ She does not consider herself very smart. Or, not on these matters, but they're all things from her heart, so that counts for something.

No gasps, no slam against the door, no verbal protests... she'll accept that as permission. Slowly, she opens the door and peers inside before stepping in and kneeling in front of him. She touches his arm. ]

[goldenglasses]

[He moves a hand away from his face to place over top of the hand on his arm. It should be clear he's been crying, but at least he's stopped for now.]

You're right Meryl. [Again.] We can't turn things back. Only keep moving forward.

But I... I can't stop thinking about how close I came to making such a big mistake again.

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

I know... take your time with it... you don't have to be okay right away. Just don't get lost from me, again. I don't want them to take you from me, too.

[goldenglasses]

[He gives her hand a little squeeze and tries for a smile. It's a bit forced, but he wants to do this for her.] I won't. I promise, I won't lose my way again. [At least not for this time.]

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

[ She can't be sure if he's confident in anything he's saying, but he doesn't need her doubting him, right now. She turns her hand over to hold his. ]

I'll be here when you need me.

[goldenglasses]

Thank you, Meryl. I'm sorry I make you worry so much.

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

It's alright. With all of you here now, my headaches are an even split amongst you.

[goldenglasses]

[That manages a small laugh from him.]

Heh, even split, huh?

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

You might tip the scale a little sometimes, but it is pretty even.

[goldenglasses]

A little? Are you sure you want that to be your final answer? [Look! He's TRYING to be silly!]

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

Do I have another option?

[goldenglasses]

Well, I guess I thought I was at least doing better than Wolfwood at giving you headaches.

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

No, but I have a feeling this place is going to make you and Milly running competition for each other.

[goldenglasses]

Heh... you think so, huh?

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty experienced at judging these things by now.

[goldenglasses]

Guess I'll have to take your word on that.

[bernardelli.livejournal.com]

Mm... [ She gives his arm another squeeze. ]

Let's get you back to bed... you should probably rest some more, unless you want some breakfast, now?

[goldenglasses]

No, I don't want to go back to [sleep] bed.

I don't feel like eating, but I could come out and sit at the table.