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[Accidental Voice//Action]

[Accidental Voice]

[Vash had been mentally preparing himself for this day. Yet, he still wasn't ready when May 9th came around. The day his life had changed forever. For whatever reason his journal kicks itself on and it catches sight of Vash cleaning a large cross. Only one of the arms is open showing a row of handguns. Vash is very carefully giving the Cross Punisher a full tune up and cleaning. At the moment he's got one of the smaller handgun apart and checking it for any possible malfunctions before giving it a cleaning and putting it back in it's place.]

Hard to believe it's been another year already. [He talks out loud to himself. Or his two cats as he's unaware the journal turned itself on.] Noah would be two years old today. I'm sure that kid is doing just fine. After all, with parents like that no wise person would stand a chance messing with him.

[He dabs at an eye that's starting to water.] Don't worry; kid. We haven't given up on you. It may take a little more time, but I promise to find you. I will. [His hands slip and he ends up dropping part of the gun. With a soft chuckle he picks it up again. Dropping things when no one was around to see. It just wasn't like him.] Heh. Opps.

[Vash falls quiet as he continues on his chore. His back turned to the camera, but he often drops things and has to pick them up again. The outlaw's shoulders start to shake the more his fingers fumble and yes, those are soft sobs that can be heard. Thinking he's alone he's not at all ashamed by his tears.] I just... I really hope- where ever you are... I hope you have a happy birthday, Noah.

[Action]

[When he's finished his task Vash will clean himself up and hit up his usual haunts as he leaves the ice building. Helping with the flowers at Azalea. Working with a happy smile and having lunch at Seventh Heaven. Now that his death penalty was removed he'll pick up a "light" snack of a dozen doughnuts from the bakery. Munching them as he takes a short walk around the forest before winding up in Good Spirits to end the day.]

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[He feels so disingenuous. What if Noah's new parents didn't want to give the boy back?]

...Would you take him? The boy, I mean. If you ever met him again, would you reclaim him?

I will meet him again. [It's a mantra by now. Something he just has to say in order to keep going. After all, as far as it's known it's nearly impossible to stay dead here and the boy was born in Luceti. So long as Vash himself stayed here then there was a chance to see Noah again.]

As for taking him back... now... right now... I- well... [He doesn't know. Noah isn't really safe in Luceti. With the experiments and people coming and going. Vash knows that, but he was family and he promised Wolfwood and Milly he would take care of that kid. It was something he wanted more than anything to keep Noah close, but if one thing his life had taught him on the harsh desert world he came from, those closest to him were rarely safe.]

I'm not too sure. I think--- [It's something he's spent a lot of time thinking over. Noah growing up unaware of where he came from in a happy home.] --I think it would depend on where he is right now, but I would at the very least tell him about his parents.

[As that kid was a Wolfwood. The Malnosso may try their hardest to change that, but it's something that he didn't think they could ever fully take away.]

If he was happy with his life and you thought your information could harm that happiness...even if it was the right thing to do, would you tell him?

[Because it sounds so reasonable. Everything Vash says is completely reasonable and yet Walter doesn't know how to admit it to himself. He's seen what damage can come of such information and he's worried of it happening to someone else again.]

It wouldn't be fair to keep it from him. He has good parents. Strong and kind the both of them. It may hurt, but I think this is a pain that he can take the weight of.

If-- if what I've been told is true. That he's with a foster family who loves him I wouldn't want to harm that. I would want him to understand that it's okay, but to know that there are two more people out there in the universe who also love him. That no matter where he is or who he is with to remember that.

That's the important part.

...I hope it goes well then. It's.

...

It's a difficult conversation to have.

Have you had a conversation like that before? Because if you have any advice on how to help it go well or smoother I would honestly love to hear it.

[He'd be the first to admit he's in WAY over his head. An outlaw like him? He hardly expected to be able to keep close friends around; let alone explain to a child something so big and important like this.]

I'm afraid what advice I could give wouldn't do you much good. It...didn't turn out well for me and it's taken months to repair the damage I wrought.

I fear I won't ever be able to atone for it.

Where there is life and the willingness to try then there is a chance to fix a mistake. [It's what he had learned recently before coming to Luceti himself when he thought there was a crime he committed and could never recover from.] But only if you keep on moving. Giving me advice and telling me to be gentle so the same mistake might not be repeated? It seems like a good start to me.

I-- I'm sorry... that things went so wrong for you. I hope one day you are able to find your answer.

...I don't know. I thought maybe, once--

But this isn't about me. It's about you and your godson. It may be difficult to regain the time lost, but with effort and time, perhaps visiting would not be such a terrible thing.

I hope so. I don't want to do anything that will end up hurting him.

[There's a pause as he thinks over what he's about to ask. Finally a private filtered to keep this just between the two of them as he can't help himself from asking.]

If it's not too difficult, may I ask what went wrong for you? [He wants to avoid doing the same.]

...It's very difficult. I'm-- I'm sorry. I can't be of help to you.

B-but just...don't keep the boy. As hard as it might be to leave him behind, don't keep him.

No, that's alright. I shouldn't have asked.

And if Noah is truly happy and safe where he is, I don't think I could take him. If he's not safe then I will do what I can to make him safe. [He swallows hard.] But I... I... [Pause.] I know I wouldn't be the ideal parent, but they had no right to take that choice from me. [Vash can feel the tears starting to spill and his chest is so tight its getting harder to breath.] I'm sorry. [He didn't mean to spread his misery to others.]

...Even if he isn't your child, there is nothing more painful in this world than having a son ripped from you.

[His hands are shaking, which is thankfully absent in his voice, but he can't let this man suffer so much. Was this how his counterpart felt? Was this the pain he inflicted?]

You needn't be sorry. There isn't much a father wouldn't do for his son; or his godson.

But if... I mean, if they've hurt him... or if he's not happy... I- I just- I just don't know what I'll do.

There...There isn't much you can do to erase what has happened.

If he isn't happy, then take him with you. Take him if you must. [God, why is he saying this? He knows what happens when parents lose a child.] Do what you have to do, but be ready for the consequences.

To make him happy I'll take any consequences that I must.

...I would say you're like a parent then.

[In the good and bad ways, both.]

I don't know... [The Malnosso sure don't think so. Vash can't ever really see himself as a true parent. He's just standing in until Milly and Wolfwood can take over again.]

You would do anything for him, wouldn't you? Give up your life, if necessary?

I don't like to believe that death is the answer to anything. [That's not really an answer. As the answer is yes.]

Even if your death would mean life for him?

[Yes!] There is always another way out of a situation where no one has to die. So long as you can keep your vision clear to see it.

No.

No, there isn't always. Sometimes, the dog just won't hunt.

That's not true. It may seem that way if you've given up looking for a solution, but I've lived my life for a long time finding another way. [Except for one time, but he still believes- has to believe that it was because he was weak and gave up. There must have been another way out of that situation.] It's possible. It really is. [Right, Rem?]

Then perhaps you are lucky.

Not all of us can save people. Most of the cases I find myself involved in only begin because someone dies.

[Accidental Voice//Action]

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