[Accidental Voice / Action]

[goldenglasses]

[Vash has started to keep to himself more the past couple days. Rem's arrival had almost made him forget this day, but he could never really forget.

Today he heads out early, trying to leave the new house before anyone else is awake. He finds a spot near the fountain to do some early morning people watching before getting up and heading to the bakery. He stops outside, knowing this isn't really where he wants to be, it's just habit. He turns and heads to the flower shop instead. He doesn't stay long, just long enough to make sure that everything is still running smooth without Aerith.

He checks the time to duck over to Good Spirits quickly. He wants to be there and gone before Meryl's shift. He orders a couple of beers before he starts growing restless again. This wasn't right either. What was he suppose to do on this day? How could he ever fix this mistake?

Without much thought he grabs a couple bottle and heads out into the forest. He walks for a bit before just sitting down against a tree inspecting his find. People said this blue stuff was strong, now seemed to be a good time to try it out.

Some point in his drinking his journal falls out of his pocket and starts to record. For awhile it records very little until suddenly-]

CRASH!

[There's the sound of a whiskey bottle shattering as it's thrown against a tree. It's followed by silence that is slowly broken by soft sobs.]

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I - I didn't mean to.

(ooc: Anyone who wants to talk to Vash before he gets himself drunk is free to call for him over the journals! He'll have it on him all day! Or run into him pretty much anywhere.)

Comments

[voice]

[goldenglasses]

[A long pause.] I know.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

[she's not particularly good with filters, but it's more for courtesy than security that she puts one up now]

Are you hurt?

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

[It's funny how a filter to someone who isn't really in Luceti doesn't work, huh?]

No. I'm fine.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

[the world is full of mysteries]

Good.

[she hesitates. She doesn't know what he's dealing with, and the last thing she wants to offer are trite promises. She knows how useless those can be. But she also understands regrets. Only how do you offer anything less than trite without demanding details you had no right to know?]

You know, it's not a small thing, choosing a new course. It doesn't erase where we've been but... Intention matters.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

Not always.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

...It's not always enough, but it does matter.

[her tone is more agreement than arguing... she's actually not trying to ease his guilt. Sometimes there are things where guilt can't (and shouldn't) be assuaged.]

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

[Where as Vash has been drinking and is a bit more argumentative than he usually is.] No, it doesn't change what's been done. It won't bring lives back.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

[her tone doesn't change. These are familiar arguments, and there's no need for both of them to be upset]

No. It doesn't.

If you hurt one person and help another, it doesn't make up for it. Nothing can.

That doesn't mean that good is worthless. You can't make up for the past, but you can't live in it either.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

I can't forget. [No really. He just tried with all that drinking.]

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

Who said you should?

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

But if I leave it behind, I'll forget.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

I haven't forgotten what I've left behind.

You don't forget when you care that much. [or when it hurts that bad]

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

What can I do? I can't do anything to make it right.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

Help others.

Keep them from doing the same thing or get them out of the situations that push them into it.

We don't get to forget, but we can try to make it so others don't live with it too.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

I could never do enough.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

Maybe.

[he was the only one who knew what he'd done.]

But maybe that means you have the wrong goal.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

Maybe...

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

It isn't something you have to do alone, you know.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

It's not something anyone else should have to bear.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

Watching you suffer is a burden people will carry, though. Anyone who cares about you.

...Even if it's not their duty, I'm sure there are people who would rather help you than see you hurt.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

They shouldn't care about someone like me.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

Should and shouldn't doesn't change the fact that they do.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

They'd be happier if they just forgot about me.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[tehoniongirl.livejournal.com]

You know, as true as that feels to the person saying it, it's almost never true.

[voice - poorly filtered to... Derek]

[goldenglasses]

This time it is.