goldenglasses | [Accidental Voice / Action]

[Vash has started to keep to himself more the past couple days. Rem's arrival had almost made him forget this day, but he could never really forget.

Today he heads out early, trying to leave the new house before anyone else is awake. He finds a spot near the fountain to do some early morning people watching before getting up and heading to the bakery. He stops outside, knowing this isn't really where he wants to be, it's just habit. He turns and heads to the flower shop instead. He doesn't stay long, just long enough to make sure that everything is still running smooth without Aerith.

He checks the time to duck over to Good Spirits quickly. He wants to be there and gone before Meryl's shift. He orders a couple of beers before he starts growing restless again. This wasn't right either. What was he suppose to do on this day? How could he ever fix this mistake?

Without much thought he grabs a couple bottle and heads out into the forest. He walks for a bit before just sitting down against a tree inspecting his find. People said this blue stuff was strong, now seemed to be a good time to try it out.

Some point in his drinking his journal falls out of his pocket and starts to record. For awhile it records very little until suddenly-]

CRASH!

[There's the sound of a whiskey bottle shattering as it's thrown against a tree. It's followed by silence that is slowly broken by soft sobs.]

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I - I didn't mean to.

(ooc: Anyone who wants to talk to Vash before he gets himself drunk is free to call for him over the journals! He'll have it on him all day! Or run into him pretty much anywhere.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, because then... because then you'll hate me! I deserve to be hated.

[...several seconds of silence follow this pronouncement. When Giles speaks again, it's clear that he's choosing his words very carefully.]

I can't promise that there's nothing you can say that will affect me. That, unfortunately, would be a lie.

But what I can safely say is that no one "deserves" to be hated. Especially not you. Whatever you've done in your past, you're a good person now, and...that's what's important to me.

But I've hurt so many, I can never be forgiven. If I make so many people sad, how can I be a good person?

...the first step to being forgiven is acknowledging that what you've done is wrong.

Not this time.

Why not? It's the ones who don't that can't be forgiven.

I can never be forgiven for what I've done.

...if you aren't willing to forgive yourself?

Then no, you probably can't.

...that's what Paprika told me, once.

[Vash is alright with that, so he stays quiet.]

...she turned out to be right, of course. She usually is. I couldn't take the step of apologizing to Ami for...

[Oh god. Give him a minute.]

...for killing her, until I allowed myself to consider the possibility that I could be forgiven for it.

I was, you know. We're very good friends now.

[And now Vash feels like a jerk. Here he is wallowing in his own misery when YOU need comfort!] Giles... I'm so sorry. [Because somehow, that's his fault too.]

Vash, I...

[Damn it. Good going, Giles.]

...Vash, it was four years ago for both of us. We're building a boat together now.

Things got better between us, when I never thought it could. I thought what I did was unforgivable, but...Ami forgave me. Because I decided that it was possible she might, and spoke with her.

I'm glad that she forgive you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.

...and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

But I'm not certain you do.

[Vash remains quiet. He doesn't believe that, but he doesn't want to fight with you either.]

...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, to turn this around to my own troubles.

No. It's alright. [Your problems are more important after all.]

[Accidental Voice / Action]

[Voice]

Re: [Voice] facepalm Sorry for the delay, I got utterly DDoS'd

[Voice] Don't worry! You're not the only one! I'm STILL having issues!

Re: [Voice] Gdmit, LJ

[Voice] XD It's not too bad just yet. Just have to refresh pages 3-4 times for them to fully load

Re: [Voice] Only 3 - 4 times? Lucky duck!

[Voice] lol, my favorite arcade game as a kid was called Lucky Duck |D

Re: [Voice] I didn'tk now there was an arcade game called Lucky Duck

[Voice] no one has. I think it was a local thing, You rolled balls down to add up numbers.

Re: [Voice] Hm. Arcade game or actual game?

[Voice] I guess it was an actual game, but I only ever saw it in the arcade so I think of it thatway

Re: [Voice] True for a lot of games

[Voice] And it involved math - IT TRICKED ME INTO LEARNING WHILE AT THE ARCADE!

Re: [Voice] XDDDD

[Voice] But I couldn't escape it's cute quaking noises! "Aww, give it another quack."

Re: [Voice] I would pay a quarter just to hear adoralbe quacking.

[Voice] It was a two token game. (Aka 50 cents XD)