goldenglasses | [Accidental Voice / Action]

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[Accidental Voice / Action]

[Vash has started to keep to himself more the past couple days. Rem's arrival had almost made him forget this day, but he could never really forget.

Today he heads out early, trying to leave the new house before anyone else is awake. He finds a spot near the fountain to do some early morning people watching before getting up and heading to the bakery. He stops outside, knowing this isn't really where he wants to be, it's just habit. He turns and heads to the flower shop instead. He doesn't stay long, just long enough to make sure that everything is still running smooth without Aerith.

He checks the time to duck over to Good Spirits quickly. He wants to be there and gone before Meryl's shift. He orders a couple of beers before he starts growing restless again. This wasn't right either. What was he suppose to do on this day? How could he ever fix this mistake?

Without much thought he grabs a couple bottle and heads out into the forest. He walks for a bit before just sitting down against a tree inspecting his find. People said this blue stuff was strong, now seemed to be a good time to try it out.

Some point in his drinking his journal falls out of his pocket and starts to record. For awhile it records very little until suddenly-]

CRASH!

[There's the sound of a whiskey bottle shattering as it's thrown against a tree. It's followed by silence that is slowly broken by soft sobs.]

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I - I didn't mean to.

(ooc: Anyone who wants to talk to Vash before he gets himself drunk is free to call for him over the journals! He'll have it on him all day! Or run into him pretty much anywhere.)

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... We're away here, you know. No one here even has to know, if you don't tell them.

[Vash shakes his head.]

No! That's the problem! I... I almost let myself forget! They're suffering and their pain shouldn't be forgotten so easily!

[ She shifts to face towards him. ]

And they won't be, but shouldn't you keep on living? Does it really still have to make you like this?

I have to keep living, I know that. I can't find a way to fix the mistake if I don't but... but how can I ever do that here? [But at the same time, he likes it here with you and everyone else. He's not sure he ever wants to go back.]

There's nothing you can do about it, here, Vash. [ A gentle touch of his arm. ]

Then... how can I ever fix it? How can I ever be forgiven?

You can't fix that kind of thing, Vash, and it isn't your responsibility to. You were used.

But I'm still the one who hurt all those people.

Do you punish a trained dog for biting someone when its master orders it? Do you punish a gun, or do you punish the owner? [ She tries looking him squarely in the eye. ]

[He moves his eyes away. She does have a point.] The gun can't control itself. It doesn't have willpower.

Could you control what happened? Could you, Vash? [ She moves to follow his eyes. She is not letting him lose her gaze. ]

I should have. It was my body.

You told me what happened. He did it. You've suffered your share, and your amount of blame. It's time you start understanding who really should make it right. Whose responsibility it is.

I should have stopped it!

How? How would you have stopped it, Vash?!

I should have had control over my own body.

That's right. You should have... and he took that from you.

If I had been stronger than... so many people would be alive right now.

Why do you have to be the one with the responsibility of the world, Vash? Why do you have to be the reason things happen? Why do you have to stop it all? [ She yanks his sleeve, riled again. ]

[Vash is quiet. Everything he does, it always seems to make you mad.] I'm sorry.

I just don't understand sometimes... you're only one person, Vash. [ She droops her head. ]

I'm sorry, Meryl. [He's not exactly sure what exactly to be sorry for, but he knows one thing.] Please don't be sad. [He's not worth being sad over.]

Stop apologizing... I just don't like to see you like this, and I don't know what to do to help you.

[He has no idea how to help himself, so he has no idea what to say.]

I wish I could make you understand that you don't need to suffer this way.

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