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[Vash is a constant figure in Good Spirits these days. Drinking just enough to feel numb and able to sleep every night. Only this last experiment had left him feeling a bit uneasy. How different he was after having spent nearly five years in Luceti. It left him feeling a bit nostalgic if he was being completely honest with himself. So there he sat at the bar, flipping through his journal and reminiscing a bit.

The first entry that causes him to pause is Katie's last message to Wolfwood. He misses the little scamp, but is glad that she was home. He just wishes he could figure out what she had been trying to say. He starts to trace her old message as he attempts to once again figure out what it meant. It's then that he starts to pick up a pattern.

The cremation of a fireman goes unremarked, but his remains remade remove...

Rem. That name. It was everywhere. Both Sanji and Knives have mentioned that name.

People visiting Good Spirits will see Vash dressed in a pair of jeans, a long sleeved button up shirt, with his long hair down around his face hunched over his journal. Flipping through it quickly. Playing bits and pieces of older entries. Then finally, there she was. A woman with black hair that he couldn't recognize, yet was talking to her in the past like she was the world to him. Who was this Rem?

Could his memory of her be lost from a death? But he couldn't eat baked goods anymore, that was his penalty for dying as a zombie, wasn't it? Could someone get two death penalties? Or- had he been killed without even realizing it?

Not only that, but he could tell just reading some of his past entries that he thought very differently when this woman was around. Just who was she?

Maybe it was the fact that he was drinking. Or the idea that if he wanted to fix this he'd have to leave himself open to John and the idea didn't sit well with him. Either way he eventually makes a post to Luceti at large.]

If you forgot someone, how important would it be for you to remember? Even if you thought remembering them would change you? The way you think? Would you want to remember even if the memories were bad and you probably won't meet them ever again?

[As the way Knives talked it seemed like Rem has been dead for some time in his world.

Eventually Vash will be sending out a private message out to John.]

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Indeed. It is integral for a Vulcan to have all memories. The events that we experience with others help build who we are in a lifelong learning process.

May I inquire as to your well being?

[Because Vash's question seems rather... maudlin.]

Hm, I'm alright. [Kinda. He's learning he has a rather nasty death penalty that he doesn't even remember dying to get.]

Just doing some thought on some of the things the Malnosso can do to us. They change our memories so easily sometimes.

You are not 'alright' or you would not have made such a message.
[Case in point. Spock has issues with people trying to say contrary things like 'fine' or 'okay'.]
Indeed, it is a disturbing ability that they hold over us.

Has something happened to you recently?

Not recently, no. [Sort of. The death wasn't recent, but the experiment that really got him thinking about things was.] Just thinking about this last experiment. How easily everything we think we know could end up being nothing but a lie. I guess... it's got me thinking just how important memories are in a place like this.

You will find that you are not the only one suffering from that very thought. The best we can do is attempt to live through it.

[Spock hesitates for a moment...unsure of how much he should say.]

I believe there are various techniques that are being utilized to cope with this... loss of control.
[Because that's what it boiled down to, right?]

Are there? How well do they tend to work?

That entirely depends on your ability to convince yourself that it is working.

[Irony abounds.]

... so they don't work... unless you TELL yourself they're working? Shouldn't you... not tell someone that if it's going to have a chance of working?

Ah, but then everyone already knows, do they not?

[That was part of the painful reality.]

But the mind has a great propensity for convincing itself to be positive in an otherwise hopeless situation. But... I must point out, that times of feeling out of control is a perfectly normal response.

I am more concerned for those who are not affected.

[Spock's eyes soften, and he looks almost concerned.]

So, even though everyone already knows it's basically a lie that does nothing... they still really work?

[He decides to not touch that idea of being affected or not.]

Hmm....

[Spock's brows furrow in thought.]

I believe an example is required.
Mister Vash, has there ever been a situation in your life where you were left hopelessly out of control? Perhaps moving out of a childhood home? A friend passing away?
Anything?

[His childhood home was blown apart and his adopted mother killed by his own twin brother. His best friend was killed because he was Vash's friend. Yup. Check on both. Both also part of the reason he was drinking right now.] I suppose so; yes. Everyone does.

Then according to that logic, everyone must find a logical method of coping. We never truly 'get over' something so significant as losing a family member, or losing a home...

...or in this case our mental faculties. We were placed in a situation where we were forced to conform, or give in and be crippled by it. So we all must cope.
The question is merely how. If it is deemed 'unhealthy' then you should not cope alone. Support is the logical choice.

Ah, I understand now what you mean. I suppose in the cases of the Malnosso taking a memory away and giving it back, that's all we can do.

[...]

But what would you do if you found out they forgot to return one? So you would do whatever it took to have it returned? Even if it was painful?

If you have knowledge that the memory was in fact taken from you? Then yes, of course I would do my utmost in getting it back.
However, my recklessness has a limit. I do hope that whatever you are planning does not put you out of commission for a considerable amount of time?

[It was a shot in the dark assumption.]

Don't worry. I'm not planning on doing anything to myself. I'm just wondering how badly people would try to get a memory back. When they wouldn't know just how important or unimportant that memory could be.

[Spock hesitates for a moment... not sure what to say.]

It would entirely depend on the individuals regard for their memories. For a Vulcan, the mental-scape is sacred, and to lose any part of it is... well, could be disastrous.

So, a Vulcan would do just about anything for their memories? [He was thinking he would try to get his own back anyway. This Rem person didn't seem too bad, but he still didn't like giving himself over to any scientist. Nice to know there might be someone else out there who would do uncomfortable things to return memories.] Is it really that dangerous to lose a memory for your kind?

It can be. Our very culture is based on mental control...
When that control is broken or threatened, it can physically and emotionally damage us.

[Why yes, Luceti has been hard on Spock's brain.]

Sounds rough. Hopefully, things like memories being taken away isn't something that happens often in your world.

No, it was a very rare occurrence.

[Well.. the statistics have drastically changed since the planet was destroyed. But, he didn't need to say that.]

May I inquire as to how you know you have lost a memory? Or have I misunderstood?

[He's quiet for a moment or two. Debating if he really wants to share or not.]

I was going through the journals and found a person I once spoke to, but I no longer remember her.

That must have been... quite disconcerting.

Is it possible that you were here before without your present knowledge? [That's happened to Spock... and it's rather unnerving to say the least.]

I do not believe that is so. I remember some of the conversations I had at the same time as the ones with her. I can recall these days, except for her.

Is it possible that this individual caused your memory loss?

[It's Luceti... so it's possible.]

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