goldenglasses | [Accidental Voice / Action]

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[Accidental Voice / Action]

[Vash has started to keep to himself more the past couple days. Rem's arrival had almost made him forget this day, but he could never really forget.

Today he heads out early, trying to leave the new house before anyone else is awake. He finds a spot near the fountain to do some early morning people watching before getting up and heading to the bakery. He stops outside, knowing this isn't really where he wants to be, it's just habit. He turns and heads to the flower shop instead. He doesn't stay long, just long enough to make sure that everything is still running smooth without Aerith.

He checks the time to duck over to Good Spirits quickly. He wants to be there and gone before Meryl's shift. He orders a couple of beers before he starts growing restless again. This wasn't right either. What was he suppose to do on this day? How could he ever fix this mistake?

Without much thought he grabs a couple bottle and heads out into the forest. He walks for a bit before just sitting down against a tree inspecting his find. People said this blue stuff was strong, now seemed to be a good time to try it out.

Some point in his drinking his journal falls out of his pocket and starts to record. For awhile it records very little until suddenly-]

CRASH!

[There's the sound of a whiskey bottle shattering as it's thrown against a tree. It's followed by silence that is slowly broken by soft sobs.]

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I - I didn't mean to.

(ooc: Anyone who wants to talk to Vash before he gets himself drunk is free to call for him over the journals! He'll have it on him all day! Or run into him pretty much anywhere.)

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[He didn't cut himself on the glass! It totally counts as fine!

Although now he's a little worried on what you'll think of him if you see him as drunk as he feels right now.]

Rem, I... ah - [Come on Vash. You can do this. Think of some elegant way to put it.]

I'm drunk. [No wait... that didn't seem to come out right.]

[...smooth, son.

there's another pause. she would normally chuckle at him -- oh, Vash. but it's obvious something is very wrong...]

I don't think you should be alone right now.

...Can I see you? Please, Vash.

I always want to see you, Rem, but I don't think you really want to see me right now. [As that's the biggest reason he had try to avoid the people he knew. Deep down he knew what he was doing was stupid and wrong and he hadn't wanted to see that disappointment on your faces.]

Of course I want to see you...!

[she's walking, heading vaguely in the direction of the garden. she isn't sure where he is, but... she's going with her gut on this one.]

If you're hurting... then I want to be there for you. No matter what.

[The garden she woke up in would be a very good place to start. As it had been where Vash was headed, when he realized he didn't deserve to be around such pretty things.]

I'm okay, Rem. [It's an automatic answer.] You don't have to worry.

You telling me not to worry is only going to make me worry more!

[she sounds firm, but she's not scolding him. she just wants him to understand she cares about him, and isn't giving up.]

Please tell me where you are, Vash. I'm not leaving you, just like you promised you wouldn't leave me.

[Damn. More guilt.] I'm in the forest... somewhere.

I'll find you. [DETERMINED.]

Everything will be okay, Vash.

I... I don't know, Rem. I... I've...

So many people have gotten hurt because of me.

And how many have you saved? Made smile?

How many people light up at the sound of your name?

Not as many as I've hurt.

I don't believe that for a minute!

Rem, there's still so much I haven't told you about.

Edited 2011-07-23 04:02 (UTC)

Then you can tell me everything, Vash. But none of it will make me believe you're not a good man.

But Rem, I've hurt so many people.

Then you work hard to put smiles on the faces of so many more! I know you can do it. And wallowing in your pain, crawling in the bottle... that won't save anyone!

But maybe... maybe it would have been better if I - [He stops himself, realizing how upset that train of thought would probably make you.]

[...

this is a lot of silence. she can imagine where that was going.]

I'm sorry, Rem.

[the voice function shuts off.

but, Vash isn't left hanging long. there's the crunch of forest floor under her shoes as she finally finds him -- and before he has much time to think in his alcohol addled state, she's got her arms tightly around him in a hug, pulling his head in and to her chest.]

[Vash hears you coming. He's had to hone some pretty impressive senses in his years on Gunsmoke. He turns towards Rem, he still feels guilty as he's sure he's finally made you mad.]

Rem, I'm s- [And then he's being hugged. For a second he's too stunned to do anything. Then the tears break and he starts to cry, burring his head and shame into Rem's chest.]

[she holds him tighter, ducking her head and stifling tears of her own. this boy...]

Stop apologizing.

[her voice is quiet, a little wavering, but -- firm.]

You're a good man, Vash. Even if you have regrets... we have to keep walking forward. You determine the path you lead from here, no matter where your feet took you before. And I know you will make it one full of smiling faces, no matter how much pain has come prior.

But Rem, I... I don't deserve you, Rem. I'm - I'm so happy here with you and everyone. I... I'm not sure I want to go back. [True, there are people he misses back home, but to have to knowingly go back and never seeing Wolfwood and Rem again? Or all the other friends he's made here? To never see Sanji, Raven, or even Jack again? While Meryl and Milly are here it's too much to think about.]

How can I be so happy when I've caused so much pain and suffering? To leave them there to keep suffering while I'm so happy here?

It's okay to have doubts... don't you understand that? That's human.

[she strokes a few fingers through the hair at the back of his head soothingly.]

If you were able to handle all of this without suffering any pain or doubt or regrets, then you wouldn't learn or grow... you wouldn't be able to face the future with open arms! As much as it hurts, and as much as you might feel lost now... that isn't what matters.

What matters is where you go from here. I know you'll do the right thing. That's who are you are. [her fingers coil a bit where they're around his shoulders in red fabric.]

After all this time, you're still walking forward, even if you keep looking back.

I try Rem, but how can I do the right thing for the people I've hurt and left behind.

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That was an odd subject line XD

LMAO yes it was. also sorry this is so late ;; sob LJfail...

No worries! \o/

<333

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LMFAO ZZ FLKSJDLKFJSFD

XD Get use to it. I love crack tags Also now I can't stop thinking of Vash stabbing Rem while crying

they are beautiful and i love them. ...well maybe he can do that one day. such a good son LOL

XD The bestest! <_< I mean... he at least tried to save her life after he did it