goldenglasses | [Action for house/Voice]

You would never, huh? Sure sounded pretty damn convincing, despite your logic being a bit flawed.

Edited 2010-12-05 22:39 (UTC)

It was very flawed. I'm sorry for being so rude, I... I wasn't in my right state of mind.

Rude? ... You call it rude?

[Vash winces.] No... you're right. It was much more than that. I'm sorry!

... I hope you don't usually give up that easily.

No... not usually. [Usually he knows when something is going wrong.]

... Then what's with that defeated tone?

Because it was so easy for them to change my thinking. What if they were to do it again?

Fight it.

Even if they were to do it again, the same situation would play out--Someone would rise to stop you, and then another, and another if need be. So let them.

Hmmm. I guess all I can do. [But he doesn't have to like it.]

... Probably not all. But it's a start.

[He makes a soft sound to show he heard, but nothing else.]

I didn't talk to you, but heard the story from your friend when I healed him. You can't be blamed for what happens during an experiment. That wasn't you.

You helped to heal him? Thank you, I don't think I could ever fully show how much I appreciate that. [No really, it does help a little knowing that Wolfwood didn't have to suffer long with all the great people here.]

Yes, and I would have healed you if he hadn't already taken care of it when I arrived. You have good friends and you should be glad for that and I am sure they will not be upset by things you had no control over.

Thanks, I know I do. [Not commenting on the not being upset part.]

[Yeah, but she wants to make him talk, because if he doesn't, he'll keep beating himself up over it.] Don't forget that. Good friends are precious and you shouldn't close your ears to their forgiveness and risk losing them.

I won't. [He probably will.]

You had better not. If you do get all mopey, I'm going to teleport you over to visit the Strawhats.

[And don't think she can't even from her place, she so can.]

Ah, haha. I see, then I'd better not get too mopey then. [Such a good faker when he wants to be.]

No, you'd better not be. [And she can tell when people are faking it.]

I won't.

Then I'll hold you to your word. And I will definitely be able to find you to check up on you.

And you are doing all right as far as your wounds go, right?

Yes, Wolfwood took very good care of it.

He's doing all right also? He did seem fine when I left.

From what I could tell he's doing alright. Wolfwood isn't the type to tell me when he's hurt. [More so when it's Vash's fault for hurting him.]

... I'm okay... You don't need to apologize...

Yes, I do. I'm sorry, even if I wasn't in my right state of mind, I should have never done that. I'm so sorry.

What if I don't want you to apologize? [Hearing it over and over will piss her off eventually.]

Then I won't say it. [Outloud, if that's what will make you happy.]

... But you owe me a snowman. [She can't hate him for it, since he wasn't himself. And she promised Wolfwood she would help cheer him up.]

Yeah, I guess I do.

... Will we do that soon? ... Vash?

Ahh... did Wolfwood tell you that?

Kind of, he was confused when I called you Calvin, and a lot of people call you by that here. [Short pause~.]

But you know my name, too.

I'm sorry I told you a fake name, but it's just... it's safer, okay? There's a man here from my world and it's safer if he doesn't know who my friends are. So when asking for me over the journals, call me Calvin, okay?

I can do that... [She could understand that, since she never gave him her name for a similar reason.] But can I still call you Vash when we're together?

[After all, he'd called her a friend... it made her so happy.]

Yes, when we're together that will be fine.

... Thanks for the donuts. [Cheering people up when you yourself need it, how is it done?]

... Don't break like I have, Vash.

[Break, huh?] Are you alright?

Aside from you being a mopey tall guy? I've dealt with worse. [She's just confused about the interactions she had with various Humans throughout the experiment, but that's nothing compared to Vash's pain.]

Heh...

Let me know when I can come see you? [Wait too long and she'll kick down your door whether you like it or not.]

I will.

I'll hold you to that, 'kay? [In the meantime, she'll perfect how to make donuts just for him.]

Okay.

[Wolfwood hears him through the open door, but makes no rush—he's pretty sure he knows what's coming up. By the time he's standing in Vash's doorway, he has the IV drip pole propped up on his shoulder, tossing a small pair of keys up and down in his hand.

He's straight-faced. No signs of any feelings either good or bad. Observant.]

Welcome back.

[Vash hears the footsteps approaching and lifts his head just enough to get a good look at your shoulder. Of course it's covered, but Vash expected that and is trying to see how you're holding it. He remembers getting shot himself and feels pretty good for a man that just took several bullets - so you found a healer?

Oh wait, he remembers now. Nami had been here. If Nami had been here than Chopper was probably with her. Then at least you must have had pretty good care awhile he was out.]

Wolfwood... [He hangs his head, still not able to look you in the eye or face.] ...I'm so sorry.

[Hey man, shoulder's all good. Sore as hell, but all good.]

For what? All you did was live here.

[He uses his left, more mobile hand to unlock one of the cuffs on your wrist with silent ease.]

Nothing much you can do about what the Malnosso plot in their crappy free time.

[Vash brings his arms around the front, he can't help but to stare at that hole in his prostectic.] Even so... I- Wolfwood, I shot you. I tried to... [Nope, can't finish that.]

But you failed at it. [Said without a trace of accusation or anything Vash would probably think he should hear.] And I'm here, healed up, nothing wrong with me. And you're back to normal.

So that doesn't matter anymore.

[But only because of Legato. He hasn't forgotten about that and the fact that he would have done it, if not for Legato, doesn't really help. He actually hangs his head more and even tries to curl up a bit more like if he gets in the tightest ball he could he'd vanish.]

Thank you... for stopping me.

[If only Wolfwood knew the irony of Legato stopping you from shooting someone in the face with his powers. Geez, talk about role-reversals.

He reaches into his pocket, holding a cigarette carton—but not moving to draw one yet, while leaving the keys in reaching distance.]

It was nothing.

[He turns on his heel, stopping at the doorway.]

I'm giving you a day to mope, but if you keep it up afterward I'll be knocking you upside the head every chance I get.

[Said with about 30.3% humor. Maybe.]

...how can you even stand to look at me after what I've done. [Said with all seriousness.]

Would you rather I pretend you're completely to blame? Act like you're some scum of the earth, that you're just like the very thing you hate?

You didn't shoot me, and you didn't say those things.

You're going to have to accept that.

But I did! Wolfwood I would have killed you if Legato hadn't stopped me! That was me! Even if they messed with my head - I choose to do all of that stuff!

You're wrong, and you know that if it were anyone you knew but yourself you would have told them it wasn't their fault and meant it!

[He says it sharply, without any hesitation or doubt.]

Edited 2010-12-06 00:17 (UTC)

[He's quiet for a moment, because damn you trying to use LOGIC on him! When he speaks again, it's very quiet, if you weren't listening for it you'd probably miss it.]

They... also wouldn't have tried to destroy all of Luceti. [Can you hear what's not being said, Wolfwood? I'm a monster.]

...Well, I can definitely say they're gonna be more forgiving of you than you are.

[Vash doesn't think he really deserves their forgiveness, but he won't say that out loud. You've done so much and suffered so much because of him already he won't argue.]

[He sighs.]

Make sure you eat something soon, or we'll force you to. You still lost enough blood that you have to pay attention to yourself.

Okay, I will... [He owes you. He'll do pretty much whatever you want for awhile.]

...And try not to have a conversation with the floor instead of me, next time.

[Yeah, the fact that you're not looking at him bugs the shit out of him. But he doesn't press for anything more—after all, he gave you one day. So he slips out of the room as he lights that cigarette.]

[Vash just sighs and rubs his neck. He has a lot of people to apologize to do, doesn't he?]

[You and your apologizing, needle noggin. -_-

He'll be catching up on his Z's on the couch ~~with Kuroneko sleeping on across his legs son-of-a-bitch go away cat~~ if you need him. Just don't wake him up unless it's important, or you're signing a death wish.]

[Oh no, someone is going to be busy with his journal for awhile... and then hiding from you. In such a sneaky way you might never notice! By hiding in his room and only coming out for food and bathroom.

But...]

Hey, Wolfwood, wake up. We're out of donuts.

[I'm sorry, were you expecting a serious tag? 8D]

Edited 2010-12-07 01:12 (UTC)

[A serious tag? Never!

Do you see this face? Keep an eye on it.

Waaait for it... wait for it...]

[OH FUCK—

He cocks that handgun pretty quickly, Vash.]

Pardon?

[I HAVE BEEN GETTING SHIT SLEEP YOU WILL NOT WAKE ME UP FOR THIS SHENANIGANS, DEPRESSED OR NO.]

...but I'm hungry.

And I'm tired.

You're not five. Go make yourself something in the fridge.

[Squint.]

Before I shoot a line through your broomhead hair.

But I can't make donuts here! [Slapping his hands over his head]

Please? I don't want to run into anyone. [Wibble]

[That face is entirely ineffective, as he sleepily turns over, beautifully crushing Kuroneko with one of his legs.

"Mreow—"]

You're gonna have to face the world if you want something. That's the way it'll always be.

[So listen for a change and try to fix your mind up for the better this one time, huh?]

GET OFF THE CAT!

[...Fine, fine. He scoots just enough for the black cat to skuttle off onto the arm of the couch.]

My point still stands.

You can't coop yourself up too long, or you'll get fat.

[Well, he's going to scoff and take the cat back into his room. XD As this OOC tread is getting too serious! No point making these two have this talk twice after all. XD]

[What, you mean you're going to lock yourself in your room with that awful creature?

...Wolfwood approves. Finally, he can get a little peace.

Have fun lacking donuts.]

[Oh no. He's just waiting for you to fall asleep again...

...so he can drop it on top of your head.]

[If someday you find that cat with little bags taped to its feet, you'll know why. B|]

[I'm totally calling the ASPCA and PETA on you.]

[Geeez, you overreact to everything!]

[Then be nicer to the cat!]

I'm so relieved you're back to normal, Vash.

Me too.

I'm sorry for all the nasty stuff I said to you.

I know you're not really like that. You don't need to apologize.

Yes, I do. I hurt a lot of people these last couple weeks.

Well, Vash. If you feel that way, then your apology is accepted.

And Vash?

Yes?

I heard you damaged your arm.

[Maybe if he wasn't so depressed he'd hear it. For now he's just expecting people to hate him.] I did.

Moron! Have you thought about scheduling an appointment with me yet?

No, not yet. It's okay... it's not too bad. [You know, if you consider a nearly ten second delay between what he wants his arm to do and it actually doing it isn't too bad.]

Unacceptable! When you are healed I demand that you see me for repair!

Alright, just... give me a few days, okay? [He really doesn't want to see too many people face to face yet.]

Three days. After that I'll find you.

Okay.

...There's one other thing I wanted ask, but I guess I'll wait.

...what is it? [He's a little afraid what it might be, but if it's about his little outburst best to get it out of the way.]

I think you'd want to wait until you're feeling better?

Alright then.

[Let's throw in a little girl who totally missed why you're apologizing.]

Did... something bad happen, Mr. Bob...?

Yeah, something did. I guess... well, you could say someone messed with my head and I went a little crazy. So I said some really mean things and hurt a couple of my friends.

But... if someone else messed your head up, then it's not because of you—s-so, you shouldn't worry, 'cause your friend's'll always be your friends, and they won't be mad!

Even so... I still remember hurting them and making them feel bad. I remember making that decision even if I usually would never have done that.

B-but... you wouldn't hurt me or everybody else now, right...? And you're really sad about that, a-aren't you...?

No, not right now. [But maybe the next experiment.] And yes, I'm very sad.

W-well—look!!

[She turns on her video and holds up that flower book you let her borrow. Open to a page of daisies!]

I'm learning lots of flowers, s-so... I'll share them with you, when you want! And I know lots about this one... They can use it in med-ee-cine and tea! You know, that stuff you can drink...

Wow, those are pretty. You sure are learning a lot about flowers, aren't you?

Yeah! I've been trying my best! I'm also gonna talk to Nala, too, so I can fix people's cuts and—and stuff!

[are you feeling a tiny less depressed IS HER SMALL TALK WORKING D8]

That sounds like a great thing to be learning. [Yeah, keep thinking that kid. Vash is happy to let you think this small talk is cheering him up.

Well... maybe a little bit. It's always nice to see kids being happy.]

[\o/]

Do you talk to the magical people in the air, Mr. Bob? I hear they can make you stronger!

Yeah, I do. I haven't talked to Nala too much though.

Ooooh, but you should! She's the nicest spirit person, I think, 'cause it takes a real nice person to heal people!

I'll try talking to her more, but Faeren, the Earth spirit, she's very nice too.

Earth? What does she teach, Mr. Bob?

She can teach you how to move the ground a little bit or to even help heal plants. Like flowers.

She can heal flowers?!

I wanna learn that one, too! Flowers and animals should be nice and safe together!

Well you'd have to talk to your dad about her I think. You need to spend a LOT of time in the forest because she is very, very shy and you shouldn't go into the forest by yourself, right? [There is only one right answer to this question kid.]

No, I guess you're right...

Then I should only go if I have ad-ult s—supervichion!

Good. Only with adult supervision.

...What, so you're not usually like that?

No, usually I'm nothing like that.

[...] Then don't worry about it.

But I hurt so many people.

Did you intend to?

During the last couple weeks... I did.

But you're not like that anymore, and you said you're nothing like that usually. So you don't need to apologise.

Yes, I do, I hurt so many people.

...

Even if you're apologising, you--do you really want to be forgiven?

[Quiet.]

[An almost incredulous silence from Roberto. Then--] You probably don't think you deserve forgiveness or something, don't you.

Not so easily.

[He sighs, noisily.] You're an idiot. If the people you hurt really care about you then they're not gonna hold things you did when you weren't yourself against you.

But it could happen again, and maybe this time there will be no one there to stop me.

There's no use worrying about things before they happen. Just take it a day at a time.

Hmmm.

...Whatever, guess it's not like you have to listen to me.

I'm sorry, I am listening.

I believe it is safe to say no one was acting how they normally would these past few weeks.

Even so, most people didn't try to hurt people.

That may be true, but I do not think that is something for which you may be blamed. It is only through the Malnosso's manipulation that you had acted in such a manner, yes?

But I still did everything. I still remember all the things I told everyone. That I chose to tell them.

Taking into consideration the sins I have committed in the past, I suppose I understand your desire to apologize. However, just as there are times when a creature does something for which they should be held accountable, there are also times when one cannot be faulted for what they have done.

Tell me, had you the choice in this very moment, would you do or say any of the things you have previously said or done during these past few weeks?

No... but it doesn't take back what I did do.

Neither will apologizing. You cannot change the past.

Not to say there is no point in doing so, of course. Rather, I do not believe this is something anyone here will hold against you, regardless.

I know apologizing won't fix it, but I can't do anything.

I suppose in a case such as this, there is nothing else you can do. It all depends on how other villagers choose to react to this.

After all, if someone were incapable of understanding that the Malnosso had been the true cause of your previous actions, no amount of apologizing would convince them otherwise.

Even though they were the cause, it was still me deciding to do those things. Even if they won't take an apology, it's the least I can do.

Would you feel someone else should be held accountable for things they did while they were in a state of mind different from their usual self?

...no.

Then why is it you hold yourself to a different standard?

...it's complicated.

[Head tilt.] Does it have to be?

Sometimes, it just is.

I don't see why. Perhaps I simply cannot understand your manner of thinking in regards to this matter.

I guess, emotions can be too hard to explain.

Particularly when the creature you are trying to explain them to has none of their own to compare.

Well, one day maybe you'll understand. I know you have some emotions as you care about other's safety. We just need to work on making them grow a little. [Yes, emo or not, he still remembers how he wants to help everyone else.]

[And yet even after two weeks with emotions, she still didn't understand them at all.] ...perhaps.

Vash! You're awake?

I am. [Wow, he actually managed to avoid you for most of this! He... doesn't need to say he's sorry, yet? Weird!]

[Nope. In fact, the roles are a bit reversed here.]

I'm sorry we had to shock you! W-well...I'm sorry for a lot of the things I said when I was there... but you're feeling better, right?

It's okay, if you hadn't I could have hurt someone. I should thank you for stopping me.

Yes, I'm feeling better now.

[...yeah. He never actually saw you when you were like that, but he sort of picked up that something happened to you from the fact that you were tied down. He just doesn't know what.]

What...happened? Wolfwood said you guys were shot, but..

[He's quiet for awhile, starting a few times before he can finally say it.] I... I tried to k- I tried to hurt some people so Wolfwood did what he could to stop me.

...and I tried to kill him for it. [There. He finally said it. Ugh... he feels like he's about to be sick now.]

What?! [Dammit, he shouldn't have asked - not so soon, he should have known that.] But that was just the experiment! You would never...!

But I did.

But it wasn't your fault!

I remember the decisions I made. I could have easy choose not to hurt people, but instead I did.

So what if you can remember it? That doesn't mean anything! You didn't "decide" to be that person, right? The Malnosso made you!

They changed my thinking, even so I did decide to do and say the things I did.

But you didn't...I mean...

[...] It's okay if you want to be sorry for it, but don't talk like you were the same person. Someone bigger and meaner took over...you didn't have anything to do with his decisions.

[This is as much convincing himself as Vash...and also the reason he's making so assumptions despite never actually seeing that side of Vash. But how easy would it be to believe himself if he could remember being his monster?]

[Just a soft hum. He can't agree with you, but he doesn't really want to fight with anyone over this.]

[He lets that silence stretch out for several seconds. Then it's time to switch gears.]

I never learned your blood type, so I had to use O. No adverse effects? [There shouldn't be, but checking never hurt.]

No, I'm fine. Thanks Chopper.

What about Wolfwood? [There's a pause, and a wince.] Um...if you talk to him later, can you tell him I'm really sorry for being so mean?

Yeah, I will. He seemed to be doing alright, but he still had the IV in.

Still? [Hm. That's a bit of a surprise.] Did he ever take it out?

Well, he had it with him when I woke up.

...what day is it? [He has no idea how long he's been sleeping.]

I just stopped by yesterday, so...Monday.

Well, I just woke up, so I'm not sure how long he had it in.

[Because he knows you, Vash:]

Stop beating yourself up about it.

Sanji... I'm sorry, for all the things I've said the past few days.

Oi, it's not like it was you.

Yes it was. I remember everything. It was me who chose to say and do those things.

Because of the experiment, you idiot!

You wouldn't do those things normally; you wouldn't even think it!

Normal or not, I still hurt a lot of people.

Fine; and you've apologized for it.

Anyone with a damn brain in their skull knows you're not to blame for this.

Even if I had been messed with. I still chose to hurt people. [Vash apparently doesn't have a brain.]

So you'd blame someone stuck in your same position? Who got screwed over by the shitty Malnosso?

No... [You people and your silly logic.]

[Vash, you can not be that stu--

Oh wait; this is you]

Then why blame yourself for something you know damn well you had no control over?

[And all the stress comes bursting out, having to answer this again and again to so many people.] I tried to kill Wolfwood! If I hadn't been stopped who knows how many people I would have tried to kill! I can't just forgive and forget that!

No one's asking you to forget - that wouldn't be fair, either. [Sanji quiets after that, from under the force of the stress, and for a moment watches just how far the experiment's truly run.

This isn't right. Vash of all people should've been spared this.]

... But that doesn't change that you were stopped. It's not fair to blame yourself over a "might've".

If I did it once, they could make me do it again. [He's just a monster, no one is safe around him.]

You think I don't know that?! [Oh fuck your damn self-pity.]

And there's no stopping them from sticking another shitty chip inside my head so I finish the job.

[Vash visibly winces, god he was a jerk for making you think about that. How could anyone stand to be around him?] I'm sorry.

[The stare Sanji sends isn't kind, but it's not really angry either]

Sorry for what?

Edited 2010-12-06 03:43 (UTC)

For everything. For everything I've said and done that's upset you. [He knows it's not easy to know him.]

The only thing that's pissing me off right now is you're a hypocrite, Vash.

[...]

[... slow sigh]

But I can't beat you into believing me, either.

I'm sorry. [See, told you he's sorry for everything.]

Stop apologizing or I'll beat your shitty ass anyway!!

I'm sorr- I uh... okay.

Jeez.

[Some of the conversation's tone has been shattered with that last outburst, meaning he can either retreat or plow ahead. And that former option is looking enticing. Vash will be Vash, and Sanji knows better than to beat his head against a wall with arguments like this.

However, there's one more point Sanji wants to make before he does anything else, and his expression smooths back into seriousness]

I don't care if you believe me or not, Vash, but for the record:

[He points at the journal]

I don't give a shit what you are, got that?

[A small humorless laugh. He wonders if you'd think the same way if you knew what he could do. In fact, before this event and the nasty reminder of just how destructive he could be, he probably wouldn't have cared as much if people found out.] Alright. Thanks, Sanji. [He's trying his best to sound sincere about that anyway, but it's hard when you think of yourself as a monster.]

[One way or another, he'll beat it into you.

But there's a time for backing off. He's said all he's wanted to say]

I'll drop by sometime this week, alright?

You don't have to.

No shit, Vash. That's not the point.

[He opens his mouth to spit out some lie about how he's alright. He'll be fine, but no. Sanji would probably pick it up anyway and he said before he was going to at least try to be more truthful with him.

So instead of trying to put on a fake smile and telling him he was alright, he just sighs.]

Maybe, later in the week will be okay.

[There's a slow, but ultimately accepting nod to Vash's answer. He'll take whatever honesty offered]

Alright.

Just-- take care of yourself in the meantime.

Don't worry, I think Wolfwood will beat me if I don't. [Sorry Sanji, the fake smile and joking is still just a natural thing now to him. Friend or not it still slips by at times.]

[In Vash's defense (for once), there's some truth to that statement anyway - Wolfwood will beat him.]

Good luck dodging.

[A soft hum to show he heard, but really, he has no plans to argue with Wolfwood for awhile right now.]

It's all right, Vash.

Try and take it easy on yourself; you didn't choose to be like that.

Edited 2010-12-06 00:47 (UTC)

Even if I didn't I still did all those awful things.

Vash.

There's a difference between willingly doing something and being forced into it. You were forced. And yeah, you may have done some shitty things, but you were not yourself. If you want to hold onto it as a reminder of what you could become, that's one thing. Beating yourself to death over something you couldn't control at the time is pointless.

Make reparation if that'll ease what happened...don't waste your time though in blaming yourself for something that wouldn't have happened if you had had a choice in the matter. It'll just make it worse for you. It'll just feed into the wounds. Sure as hell won't change the past, either.

But I did have a choice. They didn't tell me to hurt people or say those things, just changed my thinking a bit.

Yeah, and when you aren't in your right mind, Vash, you're going to do shit that'll make you feel like you do right now after it's over. Your thinking changes, and so will everything else you do because of it.

Trust me; I know what it's like. Not saying you shouldn't be upset with what happened--just saying that you shouldn't be blaming yourself for it.

Lemme just remind you of something. Just think about it for a while.

What happened with Jack?

Jack?

Yeah. Jack. The guy we went and rescued from the desert.

And who also went a bit crazy and so actually considered leaving McCoy out there and/or killing in exchange for his own freedom.

Yes, I remember that. [He wasn't sure if Jack had done something new lately.]

Forgiven him for not being in his right mind at the time yet?

I did.

All right then. Just remember that, and remember why. If he can be forgiven, so can you.

And already are.

Hmmm...

Come have a drink with me when you're feeling better. Maybe I'll teach you to shoot pool if you don't already know how.

Yeah, maybe later.

It's alright.

[There's a small noise that he heard you, but nothing else.]

[He consider what he would say. Should say. Want to say.]

It's the experiment that made you say and do things, not you as you normally are.

Even if I wouldn't usually do those things... I still did.

Nami? So you've fallen under the Malnosso's influence as well?

Ye- [Wait...]

Uh... what did you call me?

[...?]

...

...Nami?

...why are you calling me Nami?

...You told me that was your name.

[Or Yuber did while he was in your body, but Saleh doesn't know about the body switch.]

Oh... ah, about how long ago was this? [He's catching on.]

It was roughly two weeks ago, if memory serves.

Ah... well... you see, haha - that wasn't really me. [Well, at least if he was a jerk to this guy it was Yuber and not him.] I was body swapped with someone for a bit.

No, my name is Frank. [Oh well, you still don't get his real name. Seeing as he needs to keep this up now that Legato is probably back to normal too.]

Edited 2010-12-06 16:29 (UTC)

You, too? I see...

Well then, Frank, I'm glad you are back to normal.

Yeah, I am too.

[Ah, how relieving. Miyabi smiles when she hears Vash's voice, and is half tempted to fly right over to where he was and give him the biggest hug a 3/4 of an inch girl could give. Poor thing must be feeling awful.]

It's good to have you back again, big brother.

Miyabi... I'm sorry for the way I've been acting.

...thank you for the flower.

I humbly accept your apology. [Since, well, she did read the other conversations, and though she agreed that Vash wasn't entirely to blame, he still had to apologize for his actions. He hurt a lot of people, and heaven knew the Malnosso weren't going to apologize for him.

Regardless, she keeps her smile firmly in place.]

And you're very welcome. Can I come over? You sound like you could use some company.

I'm sorry, but... maybe later?

All right...I understand. But Vash? [She pauses, and takes a deep breath.] ...Please don't worry too much about this, okay?

Hmmm...

Okay? [Sorry, she has to be forceful. She knows how you get with these kinds of things, Broom Head.]

Okay.

Do you actually mean that? I won't stop worrying about you unless you mean what you say.

I do.

Good. I'm glad. [Even though she does entirely believe him, she trusts Vash enough to know he will get better with time.] When you're feeling better, let me visit you, okay? We can get some of those donut things you like together!

Alright, sounds good.

You mean you weren't yourself? I would have never guessed.

[Being sarcastic of course, but she has a gift of not exactly sounded condescending. Take it as you will.]

I'm sorry for what I said to you. [He's heard enough sarcasm to know when it's being to thrown into his face.]

Do you actually think you insulted me?

Even if I didn't I had no right to speak to you in such a way.

In what way?

Just talking about killing and hurting people, I should have never said those things. No one has the right to kill another.

They do. Anyone can be a judge, jury and executioner with ease.

Maybe they can many people have the strength to, but that does not give them the right.

So you're back too.

I am, and I'm sorry for what I've said to you.

[You're an idiot, Vash.]

You're an idiot, Vash.

[So, what. Who said she had a functional brain-to-mouth filter.]

I know, I'm sorry.

[...this conversation is going to go no where fast like this. But she just doesn't have the filtering skills to say what she wants to say to him over the journals.]

...where are you?

I'm fine. [He really doesn't want to see anyone right now.]

Sure you are.

[...]

Look. You've got friends here that are a lot closer than me. [But I know you, remember?] So you should listen to them.

And I'll talk with you later.

Alright.

Edited 2010-12-06 04:11 (UTC)

[...] Don't worry about it. I take it you're saying it's because of the experiment, right?

I was, the Malnosso were making me think... much differently than I usually would.

Then it's fine. [Hanging out with Sieg pretty much makes it standard that stuff like this? They just roll off his back.] I'd be grumpy too if some guy appeared in my closet, anyway. [An attempt at humor? Maybe.]

[Vash shakes his head.] No, Malnosso or not I should have never acted so mean towards you. You couldn't help what was happening.

Wasn't it the same for you?

I still had choices I could make. Even if I wasn't thinking the way I usually do.

Aren't you being too hard on yourself?

I hurt many people the past couple weeks, I can't easily forgive myself for that.

Well... [A pause. Your negativity isn't boding well with him.]

Look, as far as I see it, what you did to us was hardly something to get worked up about. I don't know about the rest of the people, but I'd say it's all water under the bridge now.

No, you don't understand. I hurt people.

But did they forgive you for that?

Even so, what I tried to do is unforgivable.

[... ... Oh for the love of---]

What do you want me to say? That you're a horrible person because you were thrust in a situation where you weren't thinking like yourself, and you didn't have a choice because of that?

[Yes! But he doesn't really think you want him to really answer that.]

[... Silence means yes, doesn't it?]

You're a hypocrite, you know.

[More silence!]

... Well, as far as I'm concerned, my choice is to say it's all fine and dandy, and I for one don't hold a grudge about it. If you want to wallow in self-pity about it, then I guess you could say that is your choice.

I'm just going to say this once though. [Because, really, lecturing people is tiring, but he doesn't want to deal with another episode of this in the far future and so he shall mention it now before it happens again.] If you really want to make it up to people, telling them you're a bad person who can't be forgiven won't do anything. What's past is past, and you can feel awful about it all you want, but it won't change anything. [A pause.] Besides, it's not productive, and it's not helping anyone at all. You just make yourself and the other party feel bad.

Just make sure not to do it again, and we're good. It's the other person's choice if they want or don't want to forgive you, so if you think you should have a choice when you don't, then let them have their choice when they do.

Okay.

Good. [And he'll leave it at that. As far as he's concerned, as long as Vash doesn't say anything else, the conversation is over.]

Good to see you're back to your senses.

It's good to be back... I'm sorry, for all the things I said to you. I didn't mean- I uh, now didn't mean any of it.

Water under the bridge and all that.. er, everyone has been acting strangely for the past two weeks, after all.

Yeah... [But most of those people didn't attempt to blow up Luceti.]

[he was a child and elsewhere during the really dangerous time, and so doesn't quite know the extent of what Vash has to regret. But he still throws up a filter.]

I think quite a few people were more concerned with how hard you'd be on yourself afterward, for acting in a manner you couldn't control. [blunt with the force of particular conviction]

Edited 2010-12-06 06:07 (UTC)

But I could have controlled it. I remember the decisions I made.

[Ginko is not a shounen character. And so this observation gives him pause.

-- it's really quite a statement about human nature. No wonder you can believe what you do, Vash. And he honestly has more respect than contempt for the fact that you hold yourself to the same standard or choice as you do everyone else, even when it's sort of mad. So there's a space of silence, before the matter-of-fact tone picks up-]

Yeah, I suppose everyone has a choice-- to do, or not to do something. you had a choice about your actions, in that sense.

But Vash-- you didn't have a choice about who you were. You weren't just in a body. If was like you just happened to be trapped in another mind, and force to watch the choices it made as if they were your own. [and he's very much thinking of what happened to Sanji. You're all morons, the lot of you. Every one of you-- with your apologizing.]

Hmm... even so, I hurt so many people. [Even tried to kill his best friend.]

The Malnosso hurt people, you mean.

They changed my thinking, but they didn't tell me to attack my friends.

You can't separate a person from the choices they make. If that wasn't your mind, the actions don't belong to you, either.

[Vash makes a soft noise that he heard you, but he has nothing to say to that. He's too tired to argue and it's going to take a very long time before he forgives himself for trying to kill his best friend.]

[ He was too distracted by being young, then older, then young again, then even older, then randomly dancing and at some point in there being a kung-fu dugong to talk to homicidal-Vash, but that means nothing for Usopp's post-following capabilities. Such as they are. ]

Experiments happen. All that stuff you were saying before doesn't mean anything now.

But I hurt a lot of people.

You apologized. It's not like anyone can make the things they regret not have happened. [ Apologies make everything better, Vash, that's just how it works ;A; ]

I know. [But he WANTS to make it not have happened.]

[ He doesn't know what to do with you on occasions like these, Vash. Storytime rarely seems to work in Luceti. ]

Sometimes that's just the best that you can get.

Hmmm... [He doesn't have to like it right?]

[Nami is sick and doesn't have the patience for self-recriminations today.]

Get over it, Vash.

[So mean Nami!] I'm sorry, but I can't just forget what I did.

At what point does "getting over" mean "forgetting"? So you screwed up. Big deal. Stop being such a damn hypocrite.

[Vash is quiet as he has no real defense again that. At least he knows he can be a hypocrite.]

[And she knows you've jumped to the wrong conclusion on that, too.]

Vash, you don't do anybody any favours by moping about things that can't be changed. You're the one who always throws optimism in the face of everybody else when they mess it up.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and making a hundred useless apologies, maybe you should just learn from the whole thing and think of ways to make sure they can't do this to you again.

[That there is the Straw Hat way, not the emo way. Less death involved! 8Db]

Alright, Nami. [~~Maybe if he cut his other arm off...~~ That has got to be the most unbelievable: "alright" ever, but saying it will make you happy, right?!]

[...honestly. You're pathetic, Vash. But she understands.

So she's gentle.]

I'll be around if you want to talk. But until then, I'll leave you to yourself.

[And she's gone.]

[She has a soft, sad smile as she listens to his message. It reminds her an awful lot of another blond right now.]

Hmm, I must be slipping. I should have known it was the experiment right at the start. But...I did figure it out.

I'm so sorry, for all the things I said to you. It... wasn't a really nice way to re-introduce you to Luceti.

Ah, it wasn't? [She puts on a small show of surprise, touching her hand to her chin.] But...you showed me the flower shop, and you shared a doughnut with me. I think that's a nice welcoming.

Those other things, they weren't you. That's the truth, even if you don't quite believe it yet. The experiments can be kind of scary...but none of that is your fault.

Even if they messed with my thinking a bit, I still made those choices to say and do those things. I'm sorry for snapping at you.

I'll accept your apology, but no beating yourself up over it!

Alright. [He is going to beat himself up about it, but if hearing he won't makes you feel better then he's happy to say so.]

...It doesn't work if you say it like that. [Not when he still sounds upset.] I know it's hard...they never should have done that to you.

They shouldn't do a lot of the things they do to us.

... [She takes a slight breath, and then:] This won't last. They can't control people like this and get away with it forever. Something will give.

Hmm... one day.

Right. We'll figure out something!

Are you having any visitors today? Maybe I could pick up doughnuts from the bakery~ [Okay, so this is definitely bribery, but she wishes she could distract him from what happened even just a little bit.]

Edited 2010-12-07 21:11 (UTC)

No, that's alright. I'm not hungry anyway. [Yes, he's refusing DONUTS.]

...Okay. We'll meet up soon enough; we live in the same building, after all.

[This means she's going to be keeping an eye out.]

Okay. [Same building or not, it's going to be hard to run into a man who doesn't want to leave his bedroom ever again.]

[ Meryl missed this and she will be surprised if he comes home today. ]

[Don't worry, Wolfwood dragged him home after knocking him out in the forest. So Vash is hiding out in his room and actually home! Luceti - the one thing it lacks is a town to skip to when things go bad.]

[ She walks in and shuts the door carefully. ]

I'm home!

[ She doesn't know what voices to expect. ]

[Wolfwood is probably asleep on the couch, with a blood IV in his arm. Vash however is in his room, wide awake, but unable to speak up right away when he hears you come in.

How can he face you after what he did?]

Mr. Wolfwood? ... [ She speaks in a quieter tone, but still loud enough for the house to hear. ] Vash?

[ The only answer is a meow. ]

Maybe sleeping...

I'll be starting dinner soon. I'm sorry I made you wait.

[There's a soft guilty voice that comes from behind the door of Vash's room.] I'm here. [Yeah, that kicked puppy tone should prove he's back to normal.]

Ah! [ She looks in the direction of his door. ]

Vash...

Um... what do you want to eat? I can make you anything you'd like.

It's okay. I'm not hungry.

Vash... please... have you even eaten since-- [ She winces and walks back towards his door. ]

Let me just... make you something, please?

[He's quiet for a long, long time. In fact it may even seem like he didn't hear you when he finally speaks so very softly.]

How can you even stand to speak to me after what I did.

[ She almost walks away from the door when he speaks up. ]

You didn't do anything...

I remember what I did. [And it's why he can't stand to open his door. He doesn't want to see the mark that's sure to be across your face.]

... It's only a bump, Vash. I'm fine.

Please, open the door.

[It was not only a bump. Vash feels his stomach plummet every time he thinks and remembers that smack. He really doesn't want to open the door, afraid to look at you face to face, but you deserve at least that much from him.

Slowly the door will open, but Vash has his eyes trained on the floor.]

[ She lets out a long breath she was holding when the handle turns. She was afraid. Afraid it would be like those days, after Legato'd been killed. She doesn't want to hear those cries again. When she sees him, she looks him over with a sad little face on before stepping forward and leaning herself against him. ]

[He's surprised when she leans against him and just ends up standing there not really sure what to move.] Why... you should be angry at me.

Why would I be angry?

Because I... Meryl, I hit you. I hit you and left you to freeze in the snow!

Vash, I told you then and I'll tell you now... that wasn't you.

[He shakes his head.] No! I know it was an experiment. I know the Malnosso might have messed with thinking, but it was still me!

I'm so sorry Meryl! So, so sorry!

[ She reaches a hand up to stroke his cheek and speaks softly and calmly. ]

Vash, it's okay. I'm not mad and I forgive you.

[He reaches up and gently takes hold of your hand, to stop the stroking. He does not deserve this kind of comfort in his mind.] No, it's not okay.

[ She stops and frowns at him. ]

Isn't that something I get to decide?

But... what if they were to change me again? I could hurt you again, maybe even kill you! [Someone has a little phobia all of a sudden.]

I won't let that happen. I promise.

[Vash looks away, he wants to believe, but he's still feeling horribly guilty and afraid this could happen again. Unable to come up with an answer he just sighs.]

Vash... I'm not afraid of you hurting me. If you'd really wanted to, you could have shot me... but no matter what they do, your true self always manages to come through. It'll be alright. I know it will be.

[A long pause before he continues.] I wanted to shoot Wolfwood... and I... I think I would have if [Legato] - if I hadn't been stopped.

[ She curls her fingers around the hands stopping hers from comforting him. ]

Vash... if anyone would forgive you, it's him.

I don't deserve his forgiveness! What if next time there's no one there to stop me?!

You have plenty of friends here, powerful ones. They can stop you. We don't want to lose you, Vash.

[Vash just shakes his head and lowers it. He still feels like a monster, but he can't say anything against that. All his friends here are so much stronger than him.]

[ She smiles a little and moves herself so she can see him. ]

Vash...

[He looks towards Meryl when she calls his name, but he can't help but to stare sadly at the side of her face that he hit.]

[ She moves her hands to his shoulders and pulls herself up as far as she can to kiss his chin. She still can't reach that mouth. Smile, please smile. ]

[He doesn't smile, but he goes from looking like a beaten puppy to utter shock and confusion.] Meryl?

Please... don't look so sad, Vash. I'm so tired of that face.

[He sighs and puts on a small smile. Just for you.] Alright Meryl, I'll try not to.

Everything... everything will be alright. It'll work out. [ She smiles carefully back. ] I believe in you, so believe in yourself a little, too.

Okay, Meryl. [He reaches forward and moves to gently touch the bruise he had made, but in the end just lets his hand drop.] I'm so sorry I was weak and hurt you.

[ She turns a little red at the almost-touch, and her smile softens when he pulls his hand back. ] I forgive you. It was worth it.

Worth it? How was it worth it?

Even if it was just for a little bit, I stalled you...

You did, thank you Meryl. [Although he doesn't look particularly happy that he has to thank you for that.] I'm sory you had to, but hopefully you never will again.

Let's hope something like this never happens again.

Yeah... [He trails off from there, as that is his biggest fear out of this whole affair. How easy it had been to change him and how easy it could be to do again.]

[ She leans against him. She isn't sure what to say... ]

[After a few moments of hesitation he wraps his arms around you in a very light hug.] I'll be alright Meryl. [And he will be, he just needs some time.]

Mistakes... they can always be fixed, right?

That's right. We always have a chance to start again.

Right. [Just right now it hurts too much for him to still forgive himself, but once the shock wears off he'll do better. He just needs a few days.]

But if I ever start acting mean again, you two have my permission to knock me over the head and lock me in the closet. [It's meant as a joke, but stated a little half-heartily, but at least he's trying?]

[ She nods, looking up at him again with a soft smile still on her face. ]

We'll prepare to do that, if it ever happens again.

Then I guess, that's all I can really ask and do for now.

For now, let's just take it easy.

I like that idea.

Me, too. We need some time to breathe.

I hope this place will let us.

[After the last time they spoke, Soul as very little to say. And he's sick so talking hurts, thus you get written.]

Don't worry about it.

[And Vash, ~~being an idiot~~, wonders if you just don't want to speak to him. So after grabbing a pen he writes back.]

I'm sorry, for all the things I said to you. I was wrong. [Yup, he's worrying about it anyway, as you're one of the people he talked to about how good of an idea killing everyone was.]

[Aw, Vash ;; Silly man, Soul feels a tiny bit bad about provoking you... but he's not going to punish himself for it 8|]

Yeah. But you weren't yourself.

I should have had better control over myself.

[He takes a few seconds to respond.]

You're a real piece of work, Vash. [Switching to voice briefly, because he realizes a little late that what he wrote could be taken differently as just written words. He clears his throat because his voice has been going in and out on him.]

Hn... there's nothing anyone can say that will make you stop beating yourself up, huh?

Well it's tha-

...um... so... uh, you found out my real name.

Yeah. [He will not say how, but that doesn't matter *ahem*Wolfwood*ahem* ( He wasn't supposed to reveal he knew your name, but it slipped his mind. He has a fever, not his fault >>). He coughs and brings his pen back to the page.]

... If you prefer 'Stickbottom,' I can pretend I never learned it.

Edited 2010-12-08 00:16 (UTC)

It would be for the best if you did. There's a man here from my world, and it's best if he doesn't figure out who my friends are. While it's just us it's okay if you call me Vash, but over the journals you should call me something else.

...like Jordan. [You know, the name he TOLD you to call him, not Stickbottom.]

[They're friends? Huh... Soul doesn't make friends so quickly, but he respects you more after all this. And likes you better... you're still annoying, though.]

Alright, Jordan.

And if a man with blue hair with yellow eyes who wears a long white coat ever asks about me - you don't know me. Alright?

[Soul looks at the journal for a second, picking up on the seriousness. He switches to voice.]

... Right.

He's a dangerous man, so please, just stay away from him. Don't try to take him on your own. [He knows there are a lot of people who think they're strong here, but he's pretty sure most of you haven't faced a man like Legato.]

... I wont. [He coughs.] Ch... to do anything I'd need my partner, but she's not here.

[In his current state, he's forgotten that such a statement would be a little confusing. After this experiment, he's been thinking about Maka a lot. It would've been better to have had her around.]

Your partner? I understand. [He'd consider Wolfwood a fighting partner after all.]

Are you feeling alright?

Wonderful. [Sarcasm.]

[A sigh.] I'll let you know if a blue meanie with golden eyes is causing trouble. He got a name?

Legato.

... Does he speak with a low, smooth tone?

In a monotone way? Yes. [He's not sure he likes how this is going...]

[Relax Vash.] Huh... his name suits him.

You talked to him?

... [Boy you're not getting it at allll]

No! His name is a musical term-! [Dies from coughing and it's all your fault.]

Oh, I didn't know that. [But he feels ten times better.]

[Switches to written since his lungs hate him now.]

Now you do.

Sorry.

You don't sound too good, are you going to be alright?

I'll be fine.

It's not your fault. No hard feelings. [He means that to encompass their entire conversation. Crazy homicidal Vash all the way to the coughing fit which was Soul's own fault anyway.]

Well, feel better, okay?

Thanks.

You too.

Hm. Yeah.

I... I understand what you mean. Even if you weren't acting like yourself, that still doesn't make you feel any better about it.

Not at all...

All you can really do is apologize and hope that people believe you when you say that you're sorry.

Yeah... [Except he doesn't feel like he really deserves the forgiveness. So far it's been coming so easily that he can hardly believe it.]

I've hurt people too without meaning to, but they all forgave me anyway even though I thought they'd be angry or even hate me for what I did.

I don't deserve their forgiveness.

Why not?

Because I did something unforgivable.

Vash...

Hm.

I don't know what you did, but I'm sure it wasn't so bad that people can't forgive you for it.

[Vash doesn't answer, unable to bring himself to explain what he did and why he shouldn't be forgiven.]

You're a good person, Vash. That isn't going to change just because you did something bad.

But I tired to do something that would have been completely unforgivableunfogivable. If I hadn't been stopped...

[At that, Emil goes quiet. Can he really say that what Ratatosk - what he - did to Aster is something that can be forgiven? It sure doesn't feel like it.]

[If Vash knew what you were thinking right now, he'd turn hypocrite and tell you that it wasn't you, but for now the shock and horror of what he almost did is too fresh for him to notice.]

If... if people are forgiving you for it, then it can't have been that terrible after all, right?

Hmmm... [Sorry, he's not really sure what to say to that. Except for the fact that he still think it's pretty terrible. He just doesn't want to fight about it.]

So... you shouldn't feel too bad...

[Yeah, you sound SO convincing there, Emil.]

Alright... [Probably as convincing as that "alright".]

Um... I was going to make some cookies this afternoon, so I could bring some over when they're done if you want.

No, that's okay. I'm not hungry. Thanks anyway.

Okay. Just... let me know if you change your mind, I guess.

Alright, I will. [He won't. Not today at least.]

[Emil doesn't really know what else he can say now, since Vash clearly isn't going to be cheered up so easily... he'll just leave him alone for the moment and see how he is later.]

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[Voice] Sorry about him. D'8

[Voice] 8D It's okay - it's payback for Vash being a silly little crazy

[Filtered] Doesn't mean he needs more emo fuel. D'8

[Filtered] Vash always needs more emo

[Filtered] Hugs him.

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[Action] Well you were on top this time but still - SHARE!

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